Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
Okay. I’m officially tired of this neurological wiring problem. Whoever attached the green wire to the blue wire, or whatever the hell it is that happened, the joke is over. I am not going to blow up.
“They” tell me I have a chemical imbalance that causes the wiring problem. The chemical imbalance comes from years of living in “fight or flight” mode. That’s called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder by “they” that need to name things. Apparently, I was in a war and didn’t get the memo.
Actually, that isn’t true. When the war memo got delivered I read it, dealt with it, and I waited. Me and Chamberlain, we could’ve been a real pair. I waited to see if you, Brain, could deal with peace. I wasn’t giving up thirteen years of marriage without giving peace a chance. Apparently, the wounds of war ran deeper than I thought, Ye Olde Brain has forgotten how to live with peace. And I get to continue to live with those scars.
But here’s the deal, Brain. Yes, you put up with a lot of crap. As “they” tell me, “most people don’t have to deal with those things”. That’s nice. You did. Deal or No Deal, for Chrissake. This whole “disassociation” phenomenon? Where you see me outside my body driving down the road or sitting on the couch and think you are someone else on the outside looking in? Get.Over.It.
So Brain, the fact of the matter is that you’re not going to crack up. Even when you want to. Eventually, like soon, I will have had enough of this crap. And when I’ve had enough, I’ve had enough. And then, Brain, it won’t matter what colors the wires are.
Bite me.
February 11th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
You tell it. I feel the same way actually, and I’m sick and tired of it too. The doc thinks it’s hormonal. I just don’t think I can handle years of this… Hope you feel better soon.
February 11th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Need an electrician?
Totally just kidding!! Your post has a strong undercurrent and I hope you get your brain back on track. I’ll miss you when you’re next up so good luck at those shows!
February 11th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
I read through this whole thing thinking you were talking to Brian and instead of your brain, and I was wondering, is Brian the ex or the current?
February 12th, 2009 at 8:49 am
I laughed at Scott’s comment. There’s a line in the vagina monologues: If your vagina could talk, what would it say?
“Where’s Brian?”
It took 13 years to get shorted out, be patient with your brain. Besides, all that dissociation has GOT to give you good writing material!
hugs
February 16th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
My friend would say that hormones are probably (at least) a contributing factor to all this. She said that when she started going into perimenopause, she became afraid to ride her horses. Not “AFRAID” like never riding, but she lost her nerve for the big stuff. She was an Olympic caliber rider before, and now she just rides for fun.
March 6th, 2009 at 2:47 am
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May 18th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Very nice site!
May 31st, 2009 at 10:15 pm
hello jennifer,
it’s me sandy…
today it happened, I got my pc back on line and am returning to connections w/the space & places that lead us down that long and winding road.
bad news I still know nothing about wiring & exploding hair products still startle me….
good news is admitting you have a relationship issue w/the brain is half the battle.
Life throws funny things at us along the way & remembering to look back at it all & smile because it happened only makes the brighter days a little sweeter & of course perfect “revenge” for anyone along the way who doubted you. keep safe & in touch…love – mi